• Michelle

I guess I just miss my friend…

Have you ever had those moments when you’ve said something stupid and you knew it was stupid to say even before you say it, but your off switch didn’t click on time and you said it anyway?

No?

Me neither then…

Ok, I lied. That happens to me all the time. I think my off switch is broken. I am forever pulling my foot out of my mouth, which is probably why I tattooed a fish on it. Or maybe that was just coincidental. Or maybe God knew I was going to be pulling my foot out of my mouth often and made a way for it to taste better… or something.

Unfortunately, my inability to shut my mouth has cost me some dear friendships. One of these friendships has been particularly hard to get past. You see, I met this woman on my second day on a new job. We were both temps for the company we now work full time for. We hit it off immediately. We took our breaks and lunch’s together. Our cubicles were right next to each other, but that didn’t stop us from using instant messages and giggling over the silliest things. Since I am painfully shy in real life, I felt very blessed to have this friend.

Unfortunately, the inevitable happened. I opened my mouth and said something stupid. My remarks were not taken in the manner they were intended and feelings were hurt. Again, and again, and again. Our friendship had been strained, and finally broken. It was made worse (for me) because the ending happened during my short stint with depression. I couldn’t handle much more drama that what I had all ready created in myself, so I put distance between us. One fateful day, right in the middle of it, she had asked if I would go out on break with her. I guess my sadness was mistaken for coldness. I suppose I can’t blame her because she wasn’t aware of my depression until much later.

So today, we still work in the same building. She has moved to the same floor as me, but does her best to avoid me. I sit at my desk and eat my lunch alone, staring at my computer screen.

I don’t know why I’m posting this now… It’s been a while since all this has taken place.

I guess, I just miss my friend…

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