• Michelle

Recipe for disaster – my insecurities are showing

Ok, so I actually wrote this post sometime last month, but I’m recycling – ok? Besides, it’s pretty darn funny and true, so I’m linking it up with True Story Tuesday. Want more TST? Head on over to Rachel and Mr. Daddy’s place.

Today, I’m hiding my awesomeness behind my insecurities. I have lots of insecurities, but I’m usually pretty good at hiding them by pretending I’m awesome. This is not the case today.

Yesterday afternoon, my boss calls us all together and says “lets have a Superbowl Potluck tomorrow.” Since I love food, particularly dessert, I readily agreed. Trying to decide what awesome dessert to make was the first problem to solve. There was a plethora of ideas. I could make those oh so delicious caramel brownies, or sugar cookies, or I could do something completely new and try Amanda’s petite four’s. But then I remembered this was a football potluck, not a Valentines one. Nix the petite four’s. I still hadn’t decided on what to do by the time I got home.

Fast forward to this morning; I got up at my usual time, did my usual thang, got John in the car and headed to the babysitters. That’s when I remembered about the potluck. Totally spaced it after I got home. I’m usually at work with about 2 minutes to spare, so being that I hadn’t adjusted my morning schedule to accommodate a Wal-Mart run, I decided the best thing to do was go into panic mode. I got John dropped off at the sitters and decided to risk being late for work. Running into Wal-Mart with just an inkling of an idea in mind, I grabbed a couple packages of cookies, a can of white spray frosting and some paper plates.

I make it to work 20 minutes late and throw everything into my drawer. The pot luck eating binge wouldn’t start for a couple more hours, so I still had time to decorate the cookies. While processing my reports, my mind is still on the cookies. Decorating is really not my forte and I prefer it if no one was watching. I racked my brain trying to think of a place I could go to decorate. Definitely not my desk, everybody would be able to see me. Not the break room, too many people coming in and out. Bathroom – no that’s just disgusting. I finally settled on the storage closet where we keep all our boxes. It has a small counter in the corner that I could use. Perfect! I finish my reports, grab my bag of goodies and the key and make my way to the closet. Popping the top off the spray can, I spray a little frosting on the Wal-Mart bag as a test spray and get to work. The spray frosting came with 4 tips, and each time I changed the tip I tested it on the bag. I stood back and admired my work when all was finished. I flipped the bag inside out so that the test spray’s were on the inside of the bag and stuffed the garbage inside. Grabbed my three plates of cookies and the bag of garbage and headed back to my desk. After depositing the cookies on the potluck table, I headed back to my cubicle. I sat down in my chair and noticed I had frosting all over my pants. Imagine for a second you’re one of my co-workers. I leave my desk with a bag and the key to the storage closet, I come back with white stuff jizzed all over my pants. This is so not good.

Fast forward a few more hours, I finish all my reports and I need to use the copy/fax/printer/scanner machine. The machine is in another area of the building, which means I have to leave my desk; with my jizz colored jeans. I grab my papers and use them as a shield to hide the frosting mess and thank God that it was only on the one side. I decide while I’m up I can continue to use the papers to go to the bathroom and grab a soda. As I’m scanning my second report, the machine decides to malfunction. It switches to printer mode, makes a bunch of noise, beeps a lot, and gives me an error message. I attempt to clear the error by pushing a bunch of buttons; this results in more beeping. I try to turn the power off; it only beeps more. I contemplate unplugging the damn machine, but look around and notice there are too many people around. I’m all ready standing over a malfunctioning machine with jizz on my pants. Awesome.

I give up on the machine, grab my papers, and still using them as a shield, head to the bathroom. This is the part where I tell you I’m left handed. I walk into a stall where the toilet paper dispenser is on the left side. Normally this is ideal, but I still had papers in my left hand. I’ll let you use your imagination for the rest of this part. It’s pretty gory.

Still not finished with my errands and still thankful that I have papers to hide my jeans, I head to the break room for my Diet Dr. Pepper. Remember when I told you I was left handed? That pretty much means everything is going to be done with my left hand, which includes stuffing cash in my pocket. That means I have to switch the papers to my right hand in order to retrieve the cash. Fan-freakin’-tastic. The break room is considerably small with vending machine’s lining one entire wall, microwaves on the other and tables in the middle; and it was crowded. I exposed the lunch crowd to my jizzed pants as I grab the $2 from my pocket, stuff the cash in the vending machine and make my selection. As soon as my soda was dispensed, I hauled butt out of there.

I managed to make it back to my desk after grabbing a plate of food, I still need to scan my reports, and I have not eaten one of my ‘jizzed cookies’.

Some days are like this…

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5 Responses

  1. I'm a leftie too, so I feel your pain. That stinks about your pants! Hopefully no one commented on them. I bet they didn't even notice!

  2. Look on the bright side, at least you didn't have toilet paper sticking out of the back of your pants or stuck on your shoe!!Happy SITS Saturday!!Blessings,Ana

  3. Your hands are full!Coming from SITS ! Happy Saturday Sharefest!

  4. Hahaha. Nothing like making a spectacle of yourself now is there?!

  5. I can only laugh in empathy because I'm the one who spills everything on my work clothes. And if I don't do it, my 3-year old manages to do it for me.Too funny! I probably would have caved and taken vacation time to change my outfit :)Thanks for linking up!

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